Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Married, but Maybe...
Question…is it ok for married people to make new friends of the opposite sex? This question comes from the past weekend. I met this guy that I thought was attractive. We chatted and danced for a bit then I saw he had a ring. So I said “so you’re married?” he says yes and asked me the same. After that I was prepared to say goodbye and walk away when he asked if we could have lunch sometime. So this got me to thinking all kinds of things. When it comes to marriage, where is the line? Is it ok for a married man or woman to accumulate new friends? If so what’s the procedure. Is it cool if the other spouse knows about it? Are you bound to only the friends you had before the relationship? Are you only allowed to make new friends of the same sex? Or only new couple friends? Is it possible for a married person and unmarried person of the opposite sex to be platonic friends? Do you think he would have gone home and said “oh yeah honey, btw I met this really nice girl today, we’re going to go grab lunch next week”. Or would he have kept it from her? The line just seemed so innocent coming out of his mouth like it’s not the first time he’s met someone in such a way. It wasn’t sneaky or adulterous but would it end up being sneaky and adulterous? Or could something seemingly innocent like lunch open the door for something inappropriate to happen and therefore such things should be avoided?
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3 comments:
anno friends of the opposite sex, and no one in their right mind would go home to their SO with some BS like 'i met a nice man/woman and we are gonna grab lunch next week'.
there are a lot of reasons i am against this, but the main ones are appearances and feelings. the appearance of a casual lunch will get all types of misinterpreted when it gets back to your SO. why even give anyone a reason to think they had something to tell? and feelings, you never know what the friend of your SO may be feeling, or your SO for that matter!
sometimes avoidance is a beneficial tool in marriage. meaning, avoid situations like these!
Mama I definitely see your point. If I were married I don't think I’d want my husband meeting any new women and certainly not going out to lunch with him. But if they went and grabbed lunch with a colleague or something I don't know if I'd be too concerned about that. You make a great point though its all about appearances. Something like that could give the appearance that something else is going on.
Again...I'll say this and move on..lol...A married co-worker has been inviting me to 'grab lunch' for a while, but I have alwys felt uneasy about it..well, guys talk and I heard through a mutual friend that he was throwing the bait out there for an innocent lunch first, then it would be a basis to his follow up email, call, etc...hence, leading to something sneaky (jmo)...Not a good deal for the married party, because he/she is well...MARRIED, and not a good look for the single party because it gives off a "homewrecker appearance"...mind you, folks on the outside are just looking in and usually have it SO WRONG!
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