Dating a Deadbeat Parent

Question…if you are dating a guy that you can tell isn’t a very good father to his kids, what do you do? A girl I knew went through this recently. She had been dating this guy that she really liked, but she knew he wasn’t really spending any time with his kid b/c he was spending it all with her. She also knew that he paid some child support, but he really didn’t do much outside of that. She wondered if it were her place to say something to him. As a single mother, I know that if I dated a guy that in my opinion didn’t do enough for his kids I would have to leave him alone. I just wouldn’t be able to date a man knowing he was giving less than 100% to his kids and that there was some woman out there having to deal with the same shenanigans I’ve had to put up with. But even deeper than that, I think the role they play in the lives of their child (ren) is a serious indication of their character. If they can justify not being around for their offspring, then what else can they justify? What kind of man could they be for you? This goes the same for guys who meet women that either don’t spend time with or poorly treat their children. Is this the equivalent of a big flashing red “leave them alone” sign? Is it your place to confront them about what they are doing/not doing? Is it grounds for relationship dismissal?

Oh, by the way...

Question...when meeting someone new, at what point should you mention that you have kids? I actually pondered this recently as I met a guy that at the time could have been a potential. The first time we talked I didn't mention kids at all, I don't believe, b/c the conversation just never went there. However, after the first conversation, when I thought I might let him take me out I brought it up just so it would be out in the open. However, I have a friend who talked to a guy for a few weeks before he made any mention of the fact he had multiple children. Its interesting b/c as a single parent I don't want to tattoo "hey I have kids" on my forehead. When I meet someone I want to at least do the first assessment of whether I even like them, but I also want to be sure I put it out there early just in case it’s a deal breaker for someone. I think that info should come out no later than the first date or by the 2nd or 3rd conversation...What do you think?

Would You Be Offended?

Question…is it wrong to ask a guy to leave after sex? So here is the thing, let’s say you meet a guy that you are primarily interested in physically. They may be nice and all, but you really just want one thing. You go out with the guy, have a decent time, invite him to come up at the end of the date, get it in, but then you are ready for him to leave. Or I’ll take it even further and say you invite someone over with the sole intention of lovin. After all is said and done is it rude or cold to want that person to just leave? And if so how do you go about it? Do you just say “hey that was fun, call you tomorrow”; do you ask them to leave; do you make up a story of having something else to do? And finally by doing this do you make yourself look like a woman of ill repute? I’m thinking as a woman I might be offended if a guy I was interested in wanted me to leave his place as soon as the lovin was over, unless we were on the same page about the situation. What do you think?