Married, but Maybe...

Question…is it ok for married people to make new friends of the opposite sex? This question comes from the past weekend. I met this guy that I thought was attractive. We chatted and danced for a bit then I saw he had a ring. So I said “so you’re married?” he says yes and asked me the same. After that I was prepared to say goodbye and walk away when he asked if we could have lunch sometime. So this got me to thinking all kinds of things. When it comes to marriage, where is the line? Is it ok for a married man or woman to accumulate new friends? If so what’s the procedure. Is it cool if the other spouse knows about it? Are you bound to only the friends you had before the relationship? Are you only allowed to make new friends of the same sex? Or only new couple friends? Is it possible for a married person and unmarried person of the opposite sex to be platonic friends? Do you think he would have gone home and said “oh yeah honey, btw I met this really nice girl today, we’re going to go grab lunch next week”. Or would he have kept it from her? The line just seemed so innocent coming out of his mouth like it’s not the first time he’s met someone in such a way. It wasn’t sneaky or adulterous but would it end up being sneaky and adulterous? Or could something seemingly innocent like lunch open the door for something inappropriate to happen and therefore such things should be avoided?

Just Fine on the Side...

Question…ladies in our singleness have some of us become desperate? This reflection comes as a result of a conversation I just had with my friend. She was dating a guy who displayed a great deal of interest in her, however he also displayed interest in other women. When she confronted him with the issue and stopped dealing with him he could not understand why. He told her that he wanted to date her and he didn’t want her to see anyone else. But he wanted to be able to freely date whomever he wanted… Her response was naturally “where they do that?” He just seemed completely baffled by the fact that she wasn’t kosher with such and arrangement.

This got me to thinking. This guy is thirty something, professional guy, so I’m sure he’s had a few relationships. I find it interesting that he was so shocked by my friend’s inability to accept such a ridiculous situation. Have the women he’s been dating gone along with such things? Are women these days ok with just being a side chick or one of many? You hear people say all the time “its so hard to find a man”, sadly this is not true. Similar to the famous words of Gucci “men are like buses, miss one next 15 one’s comin”. However men only adhere to the standards we set. Its common knowledge that anyone will only go as far as you let them. So it makes me wonder if many women have lowered their standards so much so that the average guy thinks he can pretty much get away with whatever he wants in a relationship.

And the women that do go along with such shenanigans…what ever happens to them? Can a man respect and truly love a woman that doesn’t demand respect for herself? Is it possible that the voluntary doormat will have a fairy tale ending? To my knowledge actual doormats end up getting so used and worn that they are eventually thrown out, is the same thing true for figurative doormats? Sadly I know too many women who have stoically put up with the lying and cheating of a man in the name of love (and insanity). In the end the man has either left them for someone else…or just continued to pull the same games over and over. So I ask is single and desperate the new thing for ’09?