Love and Money...

Question...if your man lost his job, would you borrow from your retirement to help him financially? Allow me to provide some context. I was talking to a friend who's boyfriend just lost his job. He doesn't have much savings and pretty much will be out of money soon. She also doesn't have much money which is why she would have to resort to borrowing from her retirement to help him. When she told me this my first response was "wow, that's generous, but just not something I would do for a boyfriend. A husband maybe, but not a boyfriend". She responded by saying that she knew he would do the same for her if roles were reversed. Well what do you think?

What if I mentioned that the boyfriend was previously making almost 200K in the job he lost, he just didn't save his money. He never invested in a 401K, only an IRA that he can't touch. What if I said the girlfriend only makes about 40K. Or that prior to losing his job he had paid up the rent for his ex girlfriend for 6 months. Or that they have only been officially in a relationship since about January, before that he was still living with his ex? Does this change your original thoughts on the situation or further validate your feelings one way or the other? Don't get me wrong I'm not heartless. If I was in a relationship with someone and they lost their job I would want to help them out, I just have limits to how far I would go. I would let them come over for dinner. I might throw them some gas money. I would volunteer to help them with their resume and job hunt with them. I would do a number of assistive things. If I had a significant amount of disposable income I would offer the give/loan them some money. And even offer some temporary housing until they got a job and could afford their own place again (keyword temporary b/c I'm not into all that shacking up without real commitment, but that's another blog)

Now if they were married my opinion would be completely different b/c I think she would have a greater obligation to help him out, even though it would still suck. I have a relative that practically emptied out her retirement fund when her husband got into some legal trouble. She felt like he was her man and she had to help him. and I agree on many levels. But she surely feels the pain from the sacrifice and will certainly be working for a lot longer than she expected.

Anyway, the question I pose to you is, was i wrong for responding to my friend the way I did. Does anyone think that regardless of the circumstances she should do what she can to help the man she loves? Its not like he hasn't told her he wants to marry her and plans to spend the rest of their lives together...they just aren't married yet. What do you think?

Out of Wedlock?

Question...What level of obligation does a man have to the mother of his child if they are no longer together. Allow me to put a little more context to this question. Lets hypothetically say that boy meets girl, boy and girl get together and have a nice little fling, eventually the romance dies shite happens and boy and girl part ways. About a month or so girl finds out she's totally knocked up. She of course tells boy and they try to find a way to get back on good terms for the sake of the baby. What obligation, if any, does the guy have to be there for the girl during the pregnancy. Are there certain things that should be a given or should he be able to decide if, when, and what he's going to do (of course the fact that he gets a choice in the matter is a luxury within itself, but that's another blog). Should the girl expect that she can depend on things like him driving her to the hospital when its time. Or having him in the room when the baby is born. Coming to lamaze classes with her. Since it is his baby shouldn't he be expected to do those things? Or is it wrong for a woman to expect such things from a man that is simply the "father of her child" and not a boyfriend or husband? What about after the fact, is it outlandish to expect the boy to take off work a few days to be "around" or maybe to stay around the first week or two to help out? I realize this subject is highly subjective, but I'm rather curious as to what you all think the "role of the BD" should be?

Disclaimer to mitigate any and all rumors before they start: This blog is in no way a representation of the poster's life. All characters, details, and situations are a pure result of my overactive mind and quest to be all deep and thought provoking. The terms "boy" and "girl" are not real names, simply nouns used to describe a male and a female (i swear, you can look it up). This blog is not in any way whatsoever a reflection of my life, nor the life of any of my friends, family, associates, monkey minions, evil robots, demon fish, or co workers. I just want your thoughts ;-)