Friday, August 14, 2009
What would you do?
Question...what kind of ties is your man allowed to have with his ex? this question comes from the situation of a friend of mine. She's been dating this guy for a few years. I guess it should be noted that when they first got together it was strictly a physical thing. He had a girlfriend and she had other options, they just enjoyed doing their thing. They were both very comfortable with the physical relationship for about a year or so when the guy started catching feelings. So they eventually went from getting it in, to "dating". Although during this "dating" phase he never exactly broke up with his girlfriend. They still lived together, had joint accounts, had things in both of their names etc. Well the guy and his ex supposedly broke up about a year ago. However, a few months ago my friend found out he had paid up his ex's rent for 6 months and she was still driving one of his cars. When my friend asked about the situation the guys simply said, he didn't want to be dirty and just leave his ex out in the cold so he helped her out...and that was the end of it. Well recently the guy's car broke down. Naturally, my friend is thinking, well you can just drive your other car until you get this fixed right?!?! Wrong b/c the ex is still driving the other car, in fact she's had it since they broke up. So there are a few questions here, first what's worse, that he still has all these ties to his ex or that he isn't forth coming with the inforamtion to my friend. I mean he claims he hardly talks to the ex anymore, but I'd imagine there would have to be some kind of communicaiton right? If he was upfront and said "i'm doing xyz for my ex because..." would it be ok? Is there possibly still something going on with him and the ex? Are these issues worth raising in the relationship or should my friend continue to accept whatever reasoning he gives and move on? Is this level if interaction with an ex appropriate or healthy when you are trying to build something with someone new? What do you think?
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2 comments:
well really, she isn't building something new and fresh - she is working of scraps. there will always be unfinished business with the ex, cause really, how much does she know about why they broke up? he only knows what he tells her, so who knows where he left things with her? too many unknown, so i can't answer. there was no clean break or clean start - it's all tainted!
Trust me...there is something going on with the ex! I am not speaking on what I heard, I am speaking ON MY OWN SITUATION, although mine wasn't this kind of mess...my ex fiance' had A LOT of contact with the ex-girlfriend that he originally moved to this state with..chick was always the first to know about when he was going out of town, new things going on in his life, blah, blah, blah...AND she asked for cash on the sly and I feel like he was going to give it to her..BUT, I found out from his friend...SO, I asked him what the issue was with all this "closeness" and ish..and he LIED, much as said friend's man is doing...Because I am the type of female I am, I contacted Miss. EX and we had a long talk...come to find out, he was lying to her about what we had and OF COURSE he was lying to me..
Long story short..friend needs to find out what the REAL deal is with the ex...either directly or through someone who isn't afraid to tell what they know..
SOME MEN make me soooo mad!! Why not just be upfront and truthful?? At least at that point, the ball is in the female's court about what she wants to do...
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