Monday, March 16, 2009
What if he's bad with money?
Question...Do you dump a guy for being bad with money? So here is the situation. You meet a guy that's great. Sweet, fun, good personality. Own place, own car, seems to be doing well. When you guys start dating he takes you out to the nicest restaurants, plays, all types of fun stuff. You think (besides the typical issues most men have) he's a great guy. However, as the relationship goes on you realize that a lot of that wining and dining he's done for you has been on credit. In fact he has mounting credit card debt. You also find out that with his own real money, he's just barely making ends meet. So you are at the point where you can actually politely say something about the money and you inquire about the amount of debt he has or how much savings he has. When you ask these probing questions and he always has a great answer (like he's rehearsed it a thousand times) to make you think he has it all under control, but you have a sneaking feeling he doesn't. So my question is, is this reason to break off a relationship? How much intervention or probing is acceptable by the woman? Is this something they can work through? How should the woman deal with such a situation?
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5 comments:
i think you should encourage him to have a budget....maybe even help him make one. after that, it's all on him. and if it does get serious, you really do have to step in, cause it's your life/future too!
Funny...I had this happen to me one time. When I finally asked what his "financial health" was, he just tried to avoid my question. Then I told him that its nothing to be ashamed of, not unless he is just using credit to "impress others"; which I felt he was. On his own time, he opened up about it and I helped him put his finances in order. He was making too much money to be barely making it!
On another note...being bad with money could potentially be a deal breaker, so I would understand if it turned one off. However, it must be addressed.
DANGER DANGER DANGER.
Sorry, don't mean to be an alarmist, but I can tell you if you don't address it at the beginning of the relationship it can get really out of hand.
If he won't do a budget and become more responsible you MUST MUST MUST keep your finances separate. DO NOT mingle your credit, DO NOT mingle your money.
I don't meant to sound really negative, but someone with mounting debt is like the Titanic that just hit an iceberg. I don't even need to explain that example. :)
okay you ladies make a great point. but lets take it from a man's perspective. First off when should the probing really begin? i don't know if its appropriate for you to be asking about his finances 3 weeks or even 3 months into it...
Also, a man should just be honest and do what he can for you not what he thinks you expect. Let a man know that sometimes the simple things are far more meaningful than allowing him to wine and dine you especially at places you wouldn't even go with your own money. Thats a 2-way street. And I am a fan of NEVER mixing finances and credit even if it does get serious.
Omg did u dig deep in your memory bank & write this about me & joe?!?!? Lmao!!!!
U already know how I feel about this. I don't think its a deal breaker if he's up for being helped w/ managing his finances & becoming better. If he's not then its a huge deal breaker!!!
In my case I tried to help the boy w/ a budget, called 1 of those credit repair places for him AND set up his payments, etc. And after chevy chase took away his visa logo check card & replaced it w/ a plain old atm card, the creditors froze his bank account, he got a boot on his car due to un paid parking tix, his car almost getting repo'd several times & finally after I had to pay 1/2 his rent after he got fired from his job 4 stealing towels to sell to the man in the parking garage who washed cars I just had to let that go!! Lol... I can laugh now but boy it wasn't funny then! But in that case u RUN & u run fast! I've also had a guy who had bad credit who really wanted to get better so I helped him & he got better so it can work. Now my man has just as good as credit as me & is frugal w/ his money @ times but @ least I know when we do get married I don't have to worry about accounts being over drawn or lights getting turned off.
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