The Baby Trap

Question...(well its really not a question because I already know the answer) is it ever okay to purposely "surprise" your man with a baby. This conversation is sparked by two things. The first is an episode of the Hills where Heidi wants a kid and Spencer doesn't. So she says "i was thinking I could just stop taking my bc and just get pregnant and surprise him...then he would realize how much he really does want kids". Now this sounds like a disaster and the two of them are married. The other thing that sparked this is a situation where a girl I know purposely got pregnant by her guy in hopes of taking their relationship to the next level...sadly for her it turns out to have had the opposite effect because the guy doesn't want a kid at ALL, they are no closer than they were before, and the whole situation is breeding resentment on both sides.

So I guess my ultimate question is…do women still think you can keep a man with a baby? We aren’t talking about the babies that are results of “oops” moments or contraception malfunctions. I’m talking about women (or men for that matter) who purposely deceive their partner into getting knocked up in hopes of having a happy ending (the figurative happy ending, not the literal one). And why in the world would you think that? Babies are huge strains on marriages, so imagine the impact it can have on average uncommitted persons. Not only that, do you really want a relationship that is thought about, brought about, or kept about simply because of a baby? Shouldn’t the person want to have a happy ending with you because of just you, not because you are having their (or they are having your) baby?

Its all good until someone ends up pregnant.

This blog isn't about any one specific situation, but rather a phenomenon that occurs in some men when they find out their woman is pregnant. Now I will start by saying this isn't a blog bashing men its not even meant to be a mean blog. And not all men will fall into the category of man I'm now discussing. But for the few that do...here we go. I just don't understand this particular thing. We all know the birds and the bees. We know that sex leads to babies. Yeah there is birth control, condoms, and all kinds of other stuff that is "supposed" to keep babies from coming, but may or may not work the way its supposed to. Bottom line if you have sex a baby could result. We also know that it requires two people to make this happen... a man and a woman.

Over the years, talking to friends and associates I've heard all kinds of stories about the man's reaction to the news. Everything from "how did that happen" or "well is it mine" or "what do you mean your pregnant" or "why would you want to do this" or "I thought you said you didn't want any kids". I could go on for days. The thing that gets me is, why is it some guys act as though they've been lead astray, hoodwinked, bamboozled when their girl ends up pregnant. Quite often when the act is happening the man has no concern about birth control they don't use anything don't ask about anything, they just want to get it in. I have one friend who had been with her man for about 3 years,he knew she wasn't taking birth control and neither of them put forth any effort in using contraception. So when she inevitably got pregnant she told her man and his response was to get upset and say "well what do you have to say about this" as if she's done something wrong.

I realize finding out you are having a child is a life changing experience, but why is the first inclination to act shocked and confused? Or to to imply that the woman must have gotten pregnant by someone else? Now most guys, even the ones that act stupid up front, may very well go on to be great fathers once they get over their ignorance, but I'm still trying to understand the dumbstruck first response that oh so many men give.