Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Is It Worth the Argument?
Question...In a co parenting relationship at what point should you question how much time the other parent is spending with the child? Allow me to explain this a bit further. Let’s say you are in a friendly co parenting relationship. Parent A is the primary caretaker of the child and parent B gets the child on weekends. However, parent B has a part time job and other obligations on the weekends that keep them from being home with the child. So when the child goes with parent B on their weekend the child is being watched by parent B’s significant other probably 65% to 75% of the time. Should parent A have a problem with this? Is it parent A’s place to bring it up? What could be a possible resolution to this problem? Is it more of a problem that parent B’s SO is watching the child? What do you think?
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4 comments:
My frame of reference is that I am a product of the weekend visitation scheme. The situation you've presented does seem problematic if the purpose of visitation is for the child and the non-custodial parent to maintain their relationship. Also, the current scheme is quite inconsiderate of "SO," but I think parent "A" should leave "SO" out of any dialogue with "B" unless there is a legitimate issue of the child's safety. Perhaps "A" can begin the dialogue by asking if the current arrangement even works for "B." "B" may just be going along with it because s/he doesn't realize s/he may have other options. Of course, time and money being the precious commodities that they are, identifying what the other options actually are may be challenging. But, if "A" frames the conversation as an attempt to work toward developing a schedule that would maximize "B"'s time with the child, rather than criticizing B's priorities or childcare choices, hopefully "B" would accept the challenge.
it would be a problem for me. i don't know this woman, and who knows how she treats my kids. and i am quite sure my husband would not allow my new BF to watch his girls. he doesn't know that man. the bottom line is the kind of time the other parent is actually spending with the child. and if it's not spent in the best way possible - meaning they are with a babysitter or the new SO, then why bother? no relationship is being built there.
disclaimer *i am married and this is not my situation, but how i think i would feel if i was to be in it*
Anon, you introduce a very good way of approaching the situation. This way the primary focus remains doing what's best for the child and not necessarily any personal issues one parent has with the other.
Mama, I totally see where you're coming from with not knowing the S.O or how they treat your kid. Safety is always the primary concern. The only problem with that is usually when the child's mother/father starts taking issue with the new person it usually gets interpreted as jealousy or being petty.
i think i would be fine with a little misinterpretation, compared to worrying about my baby. no matter what you do, you will be seen as the baby mama drama right?
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