Question…Exactly how much of your single woman behavior must change when you get into a relationship? So I was talking to a very close friend of mine that is battling this issue in her relationship. She and the guy have known each other for years and have officially been together for about a year now. However, in the past 4 or 5 months he’s begun to tighten up the reigns on her quite significantly. For example, he does not like her hanging out with her single friends (which happens to be the majority of her friends). When/if she does go out he expects her to be in the house by 11pm. She once attended a dinner party at a close friend’s house and didn’t get back home until around 1am. When they finally spoke he accused her of acting like she was still single. He also no longer wants her taking trips (something she’s been doing for years) with her single friends b/c he considers it disrespectful to him…since they are in a relationship and all. In addition to all this there are the standard “rules” of letting him know where she’s going, what she’s doing, making sure she answers the phone when he calls (or quickly returns the call) blah, blah, blah.
So I’m all for relationships and I totally understand that there are certain courtesies that you give your SO when in a relationship, like telling them when you are going out and maybe who you’re hanging out with. But are curfews reasonable? Are you supposed to distance yourself from your single friends once you have a relationship? After all, those friends were the same ones that were around before the relationship? When in a relationship is it disrespectful to go on a fun weekend trip with the girls? Is it fair for the guy to expect her to change so much simply because she’s “not single anymore”? And finally what should she do if she doesn’t like the new rules?
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7 comments:
There is common courtesies when in relationships, in all types of relationships. However, his behavior is starting to show the signs of possessive and controlling behavior which leads into other things.
There is nothing wrong with her taking trips or coming in the house at a certain hour, that doesn't mean you are acting single. Crazy!!! To me that is like the old school label of whore or herlot.
Either there is trust or there isn't
Ahhh Hell NAW!!! Too many issues here in this "relationship"..ALREADY!! What happened to "I'm grown, you're grown and we respect one another enough to have separate lives"??? While, I would like to know who my SO is hanging out with, I couldn't do anything to change it, if they were in fact close friends before I came along...I mean...wow!!
RoB, I agree with what you said about the label. It does seem like he thinks her friends, just b/c they are single, are going to be out slutting it up and encoruaging her to do the same. Or that that's what she was doing before the got in a relationship. Either way its offensive.
SQ79, i'm with you too. There should be mutual respect. Its unfair to expect someone to give up their friends when they are with you. Granted the man in your life (usually when he gets fiance or husband status though) does deserve a certain level of consideration... there are limits.
I think some women forgot to still be an individual when you are in a relationship. Yes as we grow older some of the single ladies in the group will get married but that doesn't mean we still can't get together for ladies night and couples events. The dynamics of all relationships change with age. But what doesn't change is you being an individual, still holding onto your beliefs and dreams and meeting your partner on middle ground with their own beliefs and dreams in order to sustain through the years. She can bear it now but can she deny herself for years in order to please him, no she won't. Her hearts desire will truly want to eventually be free and then she could have missed out on a real friend who accepts her individualism as he is suppose to.
people in a relationship are meant to compliment each other, not complete one another.
and it just makes him look like he is hiding something if he has to know her every single movement. a whole nother story.
Helló Ria!
Biztos érdekes lehet az oldalad,de egy szót sem értek angolul!
(Na jó azért egyet igen!)
Üdv:Zsolt!
Zsolt,
Köszönjük, hogy elolvasta az oldalamat, de még nem értek egy szót magyarul. Meg kellett keresni a Google-nak a fordítást.
Ria
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