Question...If you see the SO of a friend out with another guy/girl is it your place to say something? So this post is a result of something I heard on a radio show this morning. Lets say you have a friend that you're cool with. You introduce this friend to your man and you all are pretty cool. Well one day she sees you out with another guy having lunch. She comes over and speaks and you think nothing of it. After, your SO tells you that this friend sent him a text message saying "hey I saw your girl out at lunch with some guy, I just thought you should know". Now lets also keep in mind that your man knew all about the lunch, in fact he was supposed to be there, but cancelled at the last minute b/c something came up. Would you have a problem with that? Should the friend have sent a text to the man or maybe asked you about the situation first? Is the friend crazy for even assuming that just because you were out with a member of the opposite sex that something slutacious was going on?
And that leads me to the question, what role do you play when it comes to telling a friend about shady behavior. For example, if you see your best friends man/woman out with someone else do you even mention it? If the interaction looks a little more than friendly should you tell/warn your friend? What if you are friends with both parties, do you even want to get involved in the drama? What implications could that have on the friend ships?
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6 comments:
yes, definite problem. a text like that is only sent to cause trouble. especially with the 'i thought you should know'. first of all, there is NO reason that they should have each other's numbers. either she is your friend or no one's. i do not believe that married men should have friends who are girls, and vice versa. all those relationships end anyway. there is only room for one man/woman in your life, your spouse.
this has been a rule of mine since i've been married. and it goes for friends of mine too. i do not consider their husbands my friend. i do not have their numbers, if i need my friend that bad, i can call, email, text ect. it's not that serious, lol.
one last point, being friends with someone of the opposite sex when you are in a serious relationship, engaged, married, whatever....can leave too much room for rumors. even if it is a preplanned lunch and your SO doesn't show up, cancel. sorry. it's not worth the drama for what it may look like to others. being prior military and then living in this super small town, you just can't do things without it getting back to him her or whoever. so you have to think about things and the way they appear to others. cause some people have nothing better to do than to talk about you.
keep it simple stupid.
I almost ALWAYS stay out of people's relationships, as they will find out in good time, if it is meant to be...AND, if there is suspect behavior on one or the other's part...this would not have been the first time it has reared its ugly head...IT WILL COME TO LIGHT sooner or later. The thing is, will your friendship be strong enough to weather the storm in the end--rgardless if the text was sent or not?
From a male's perspective, this was CLEARLY WRITTEN AND ADDRESSED BY A FEMALE. I say that first because why does the friend, who you introduced to your man, have your man's#? 2ndly, men do not really deal with this type of stuff. We watch and observe before we act (in most cases) but definitely this one.
But outside of the behavior of gender, you have to evaluate your FRIENDSHIP with the person and do you strongly feel comfortable in addressing that situation with them. Make sure the intentions are true, because if not you will be found out. Now I know that I can tell my sister Ria pretty much anything...but we have that type of relationship.
At the end of the day...M.Y.O.B
oh and to mamalicious...hmmmmm
so you disregard the fact that you or your husband had lives that included members of the opposite sex prior to you all's courtship and subsequent marriage?
How did your husband feel when you TOLD, cuz they way you put it you didn't ask, him that he could not be friends with a female?
Secondly, it is unrealistic to think that your SO will not have friends with the opposite sex. But what is REAL, is that you may not know about it....
~feenix
well, there are extenuating circumstances with our prior lives; been together almost 10 years, met in college, traveled with the military - so the random friends that may have been made along the way are off in the distance.
that being said, i am not naive enough to think that there is no way he could have kept in touch. especially in this technological age are in. (have been in!)
and of course i told him he couldn't have female friends, military chicks are a whole 'nother blog. and it went without saying that i would not be friends with guys. of course he was defensive, cause it was one chick in particular. but why would he get defensive if she was just a friend. no friend is more important than your SO. right? isn't that the bottom line?! and back to him being defensive, there had to be a reason for that, so wasn't that a justified demand?
also, what is your def of a 'friend'? there are co workers, acquaintances, spouses of friends, this could go on for days for people who have a ton of friends. we know a lot of people, but friends are counted on one hand for us.
i'm also not naive enough to think that a man won't find a way.....if a man wants to pursue a woman, he will. that goes for any man, even my wonderful husband. i just gotta stay on my A game. that's all you can do! besides demanding they not have female friends...stop them before they infiltrate!
I also agree that this is something you should just stay out of. It’s been my personal experience that usually if someone is doing something shady it will rear its head.
Back in high school I believe I learned this lesson. Told a friend her man was a dog b/c he was flirting with and asking ME out. Needless to say despite my years of friendship with this girl, she believed her boyfriend and thought maybe I was the one going after him. Since that day I have decided to just keep my mouth shut.
Feenix, I don’t think its just a female thing. In fact I think guys gossip more than women do. Many guy’s if they saw a friends girl out with some dude would at the very least tell their boy about it. Even if it seemed innocent. But if the meeting looked the least bit suspicious they would probably be on the phone with their friend the second they got a minute…
I know for women at least, even if you do tell a fellow girlfriend about some shady boyfriend behavior, she's going to believe the man and stay with him and it will just make your relationship a bit awkward for a while.
I also agree with mamalicious in that there are different levels of friendship. If when I meet you, you have some really good female friend that you known for years then who am I to make you stop talking to them (though I might not like it). I would have a problem with new "friends" emerging all willie nillie. Associates and such are fine, they can e mail you or whatever, but I don't know how I feel about going out. Then again it’s all about disclosure. If you tell me up front what’s going on that's one thing. But if you just say "I’m going out with some friends" and later I find out you went out with some chick then there is a problem. Because again even if it was innocent, the fact that you weren’t forthcoming gives the appearance that something shady could be going on.
Finally, if any person of the opposite sex is causing problems in your relationship for whatever reason, then a decision needs to be made. No "friend" should be worth jeopardizing your relationship
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