Question...if your man lost his job, would you borrow from your retirement to help him financially? Allow me to provide some context. I was talking to a friend who's boyfriend just lost his job. He doesn't have much savings and pretty much will be out of money soon. She also doesn't have much money which is why she would have to resort to borrowing from her retirement to help him. When she told me this my first response was "wow, that's generous, but just not something I would do for a boyfriend. A husband maybe, but not a boyfriend". She responded by saying that she knew he would do the same for her if roles were reversed. Well what do you think?
What if I mentioned that the boyfriend was previously making almost 200K in the job he lost, he just didn't save his money. He never invested in a 401K, only an IRA that he can't touch. What if I said the girlfriend only makes about 40K. Or that prior to losing his job he had paid up the rent for his ex girlfriend for 6 months. Or that they have only been officially in a relationship since about January, before that he was still living with his ex? Does this change your original thoughts on the situation or further validate your feelings one way or the other? Don't get me wrong I'm not heartless. If I was in a relationship with someone and they lost their job I would want to help them out, I just have limits to how far I would go. I would let them come over for dinner. I might throw them some gas money. I would volunteer to help them with their resume and job hunt with them. I would do a number of assistive things. If I had a significant amount of disposable income I would offer the give/loan them some money. And even offer some temporary housing until they got a job and could afford their own place again (keyword temporary b/c I'm not into all that shacking up without real commitment, but that's another blog)
Now if they were married my opinion would be completely different b/c I think she would have a greater obligation to help him out, even though it would still suck. I have a relative that practically emptied out her retirement fund when her husband got into some legal trouble. She felt like he was her man and she had to help him. and I agree on many levels. But she surely feels the pain from the sacrifice and will certainly be working for a lot longer than she expected.
Anyway, the question I pose to you is, was i wrong for responding to my friend the way I did. Does anyone think that regardless of the circumstances she should do what she can to help the man she loves? Its not like he hasn't told her he wants to marry her and plans to spend the rest of their lives together...they just aren't married yet. What do you think?
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3 comments:
That is wrong on so many levels...
Let me clarify!
First off do you want to be with/marry a person that makes 200k (and who knows how long they were making that amount) and doesn't save not one red cent!
Secondly, that amount comes with qualifications, he can't get another job? (not saying its easy but that kind of money should make you qualified to do something thats $90,000)
Thirdly, the rent for the next 6 months for his ex girl? DOES SHE HAVE ANY OF HIS KIDS? and why so generous..are they intercoursing?
I have so much more but I cannot give this anymore attention!
D@mn Feenix!! U r ON today!! My response: H3LL TO THE NAW!! I remember being young and dumb once upon a time about 12 years ago...keyword: YOUNG!! I loaned my "fear of a true relationship" dude some cash... don't make me say how much, I will get mad all over again!!! lol....that mickey-flicky gave me some lame story (sounded strong at the time), so I felt that I should help him...WRONG on soooo many levels!! He only gave me $200 of the money back and that was after a major argument...In the end, I was blessed 100 times over, b/c I loaned it to him out of a good place in my heart.
In short, I don't give a flying flip...Ladies, DO NOT give/loan a GROWN ARSE man any money..ESPECIALLY AFTER HE WAS MAKING OVER $200k/year!
nope, sorry. favors like that are reserved only for married folk.
too many details to get into, but the main one is, if he (obviously) can't save, how will he ever pay you back?!
and i'm sorry, there are jobs out there, just not a job that he wants to do. so my next thought is, why can a man stoop low enough to take money from his girl, but can't work at the mall?! and don't give me that 'overqualified' crap.....everyone has lied on a resume. mind you, it's usually the other way around, increasing your qualifications...but still. you do what you do to make it work.
and besides, he should be looking into unemployment. i'm sure he was paying taxes, so he is entitled.
weak men make me mad.
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