Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Run from the Drama
Question…Will a guy turn away from a seemingly decent girl if she has too much drama in her life? So I was talking to a friend of mine about his past relationships. Much like ladies when he’s single he will talk to a number of women, as he gets to know them better certain characteristics will draw him to one girl more so than another. So he was telling me about this particular chick that he liked, but said she just had too much drama. She was cute, funny, educated, job, a lot going for herself. But during the course of their initial interaction she had issues like her car got messed up and she was going to have issues paying for it, her supervisor pissed her off in some kind of way and she thought she wanted to leave, her father died, and some other stuff happened. Now my friend is hardly insensitive, he understood that many of these things were far beyond her control and he cared, but it was just a lot to deal with in the early stages of courtship. So since he was talking to other women with less dramatic times in their lives he gravitated towards one of them instead of the drama chick. This got me to thinking about how much stuff you should reveal about your “drama” early on in a relationship. On one hand in the courting stage you want to develop the kind of relationship where you can tell the person anything and get some level of comfort when things aren’t going right, but should we be cautious not to tell too much too soon. Or is my friend just a special case? I can kind of see where he’s coming from. I mean if I met a guy and every time we talked he had another “issue” I would probably back off a little and give him time to get himself together as well. When it comes to talking to a potential is there a such thing as TMI when it comes to the dramatics life is bringing your way?
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3 comments:
So, I practice this in ALL relationships, not just in one with a "potential mate". NEVER tell too much off gate, as it can "give someone the wrong impression". Just think about this...You know your friends very well and you know how they can say things and they are just being dramatic and then you also know when others are just "problem prone"....If you had just met a new guy and he started to run off at the mouth about various, random issues, you would typically think that he is a "problem/issue magnet" and he is not on your radar. But, given time you may be able to see that he is a nice guy,you just met him at the wrong time.
Bottom line....get to know the person a bit FIRST; then expose small things--no money, no ex, no sickness issues within the first 2 weeks! Take baby steps, i.e. "I had a long, hard day at the office, my boss gave me a hard time with xyz". HOWEVER, go with your gut, if this dude/female feels wrong..THEY PROBABLY ARE!
i agree with StilettoQueen....keep it simple in the beginning. besides, they need to earn the right to know your drama!!!
I went to a panel discussion on relationships and of course there were only 2 guys out of the entire 200 person audience and one of the 2 guys got up right before the end of the mini seminar and said "Ladies I only have one thing to say....Stop telling all your business to men you just meet! You need to remember that everything you say only helps them to figure out how to hook you." Just a very interesting comment...we wonder why some guys can manipulate us so easily and we don't even realize that we've told them what makes us weak. So not only to the point of not wanting to look like a drama-filled woman but also to make sure we aren't revealing certain things that should be held off to a later date...we need to sometimes stick to the surface convos.
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