Thursday, November 19, 2009
Concern or control?
Question... In a relationship at what point does a person's constant "concern" about your whereabouts turn into an unhealthy control? It is understood that when you get into a relationship there are certain courtesies you extend to your new partner. You let them know where you are going, you call on regular basis, things like that. But is there a line? I have an associate that has been with her guy for a while, he gets upset if she doesn't call as soon as she gets in the house or if he sends a text and she doesn't respond right away. If she goes out without him a few too many times he will get upset and tell her she's "acting like she's single". He likes to know what she's doing all the time and be involved in all her decision making. Now the two don't live together at the moment but they plan on eventually getting married. She is already beginning to feel smothered by the tight leash he keeps her on. I personally believe the grip will only get tighter as they continue their relationship. But what does she do. Is this just her man showing loving concern for her or is he a bit too controlling. Should she be endeared or concerned?
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3 comments:
CONTROLLING....I, too, believe this "leash" will get tighter and more difficult for her to release herself from. I am not saying that this is her situation, but what I am saying is that some of us (meaning women in general) will put up with a lot of unnecessary craziness, JUST TO SAY THAT WE ARE NOT SINGLE. When did being single become such a bad thing? In my opinion, having a certain degree of freedom in a relationship, coupled with trust and mutual respect is a HEALTHY one...IF one can't find that, then SINGLE it is!
I totally agree. A lot of us do way to many things just to say we have a man. But if you are misserable or smothered in the process is it really worth it? My concern for this friend is that if they move forward with their relationship she will slowly move away from the friends and family she has. It is the way many abusive relationships start. Not to say that this guy is or ever will be that, but an overly controlling relationship never really ends well...as far as I know.
that sounds like an insecure man to me...or one who is worried about his own dirt. a real man in a real relationship with a real woman, does not have to act like that. the natural flow of things is to let your SO know what is going on, so you can get the balance right between home, work, friends, ect....in a perfect world, right?!
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