YBR-- Where are all the good men/women?

Question…Where did all the good men and women go? This is a question I’ve heard asked my many people. Many of my male friends only want a good woman, but for some reason they just can’t find one. This is even more so the case for my female friends. The search for a reasonable man is just about as successful as the search for WMDs in the Middle East. How is it possible that all these men are searching for good women and all these women are searching for good men, but both parties keeps coming up empty handed. What’s the problem, I mean I know women (esp black women) have been accused of being too picky. I’m not sure what constitutes as being too picky, but most of us just want an employed, intelligent, interesting man, preferably with some ambition, and his own home and car. I don’t think that’s asking too much. To be honest I don’t really understand why my male friends have such trouble finding women. I mean simply look at the ratio of men to women, its like a candy store of ladies to choose from. All colors and flavors out there for you. I guess it’s a matter of quality rather than quantity in this situation. But for women it’s a little different. Not as many men to choose from, crazy competition from other woman who sniff out decent men like blood hounds. If you have any preferences like gainfully employed, college educated, and interested in a serious relationship the pool gets even smaller. Understand I’m not implying there are no good men out there because I’m positive there are a decent number, they are simply a little difficult to find.

YBR-- Where do you draw the line?

Question…where do you draw the line when it comes to your SO (significant other) having friends of the opposite sex? So have you ever started dating a guy and slowly began to realize that he has a LOT of female friends. Of course many of these women were probably there before you came, but now that you are there SO you wonder why there is even a need for all these other miscellaneous women. Here is the situation. One of my girls had been dating this guy for quite some time. When they got together he made mention of the fact that he had a few female friends, but that they just hung out from time to time when they were in town. So my girl was cool with it. Well it ended up being sushi one night with some friend coming in from out of town, then later, going to happy hour with some friend you ran into from high school, then making lasagna for some “friend” that made mention of how good it was the last time he made it, and finally the him calling up one of his “friends” that he sees often in the group setting to hang out one night. Now is this guy really just keeping up with old friends or should my girl be concerned. I mean, why can’t he hang out with his guy friends, why so many females. If he wants to hang out why can’t he call and hang out with his girl? Are all these females really old friends or women that he’s meeting and trying to spend time with on the sly? I personally am not in the right state of mind to be objective about this whole thing so I pose the questions to you. Is my girl getting played or could this dude really just like spending time with this plethora of women friends? I guess I should mention that if the shoe was on the other foot dude would be none too pleased if my girl started taking up with a hoard of guy friends in the same way.

YBR-- Are you a Coward?

Question…Does running from love make you a coward? I mean a coward runs in the face of fear right. Anything that might hurt them or cause them pain they fly in the opposite direction. I bring this up because I notice that many people when faced with love don't often know what to do with it. There are times when a person loves you more than you ever thought you could be loved and that is a really scary thing, especially if you've never experienced that before. But such fear shouldn't cause you to run, not from love. People leave perfectly good relationships with wonderful people simply out of fear. Not realizing that staying, opening yourself up, is far more rewarding. Realistically aren't all great things in life scary. Getting that job you've always wanted, deciding to go back to school, buying a house, all these thing are wonderful steps in life, but they can be quite scary at first. But you do it anyway knowing it will pay off in the end. Love is the same way. Allowing yourself to open up to another person completely and having that person do the same for you is scary. Having a person that makes you so happy that you think its too good to be true can be terrifying, I get that. But you can't spend your life being scared of what can go wrong with love. Sometimes you just have to go for it and try for the best. Interestingly enough just about any relationship can work if you have two people that love each other and are committed to one another. They're not easy, they have ups and downs, but there is nothing more amazing than being in love with somebody (when somebody loves you back, and that's a fact…lol). But you can never experience that if you always run. Now maybe I'm a little harsh to say running from love makes you a coward. But if you think about it…doesn't kinda make you one?

YBR-- Sticks and stones

Question...Why do we say hurtful things to the people we love? Everyone has been there, your significant other says or does something that makes you mad and then.... you have to do something to hurt them back. Maybe you call them a name, curse them out, pick on that one thing their insecure about, or find that one button you know will set them off and push it over and over. But why? I mean we're all guilty of it, but why intentionally say or do things that hurt the person you love. Words are particularly hurtful and can do a lot of damage in a relationship. Your tongue is a powerful weapon, so you have to be responsible in how you use it. Your words and actions have the power to stay with a person long after an argument or heated situation. They can cause permanent and irreversible damage to your relationship. I personally think that when you're mad you do one of two things; you either say things you don't mean at all or you say all the things you really want to say but wouldn't in normal circumstances. I had a situation where a person the person I was dating shared his very negative opinion about "most" single mothers. Of course I took offense. He apologized, explained himself, told me he wasn't talking about me, blah, blah, blah, but nothing he said could take away the hurt he caused in that moment. And until this day I still question whether what he said was just a stupid comment or how he really felt. When you really think about it the second or two it takes you to rethink your words or use better judgment with your actions is priceless when compared with the damage you could do by talking slick. Although it's a trite saying, two wrongs don't make a right. I once heard this poet talking about this exact same subject and one line was "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will F you up forever". Besides why would you want to do or say anything to hurt the person you love anyway?

YBR-- Stay out of the circle

Question…What are the rules of dating in the circle? Here’s the situation. Diane and Rob had been dating for about 9 months and decided to take a break. They weren’t dating other people, they were kinda in the 50% single category (read YBR 34). So a few weeks after the break Diane finds out that Rob went out with Susan. Susan is a member of the overall circle of friends they hang in. She’s at all the summer barbecues, holiday functions, girl’s night out. Diane and Susan have hung out before, so they are associates. Susan knows all about Diane and Rob’s relationship and break. Apparently, one night Rob calls Susan and suggests they just go grab something to eat just to talk and catch up. Susan accepts. Diane finds out about this quasi date through the circle of friends and is of course pissed. So I’m going to leave my opinion out of this one and just pose a few questions. Does Diane have any reason to be upset? If so who should be mad at, Rob, Susan, or both? What if anything should Diane do? Would Diane be wrong for now feeling uncomfortable with Rob and Susan?

YBR-- I wonder if I take you home?

Question... If a girl gives it up early on in a relationship does that make her a roller? So there was a time when getting down too soon made you a freak or a slut, but does that still hold true? I mean today when you have many women completely taking control of their sex life, knowing exactly what they want and how they want it, is it wrong to just get down to business sooner? Many of us remember that song by Lisa Lisa "I wonder if I take you home...would you still be in love?" Well would you? Lets not even get into the "l" word. If a girl gets it in on a first date or even a second date, does it really matter. Would a guy loose some level of respect for her, not take her seriously? Would it still be possible to try and build a functioning relationship afterward? Does it give a negative reflection on her character? And if the old rules do still apply then how soon is too soon. Is their a certain amount of time you should wait before you give up the lovin? a month, 6 weeks, longer? What is proper sexual etiquette?